Let Me Be the First to Say, I Don't Have My Shit Together! | 27 Here I am

Whew child the ghetto. My early twenties seem so far away and so juvenile. I just turned 27, and I am nowhere where I thought I would be. I’m sure we all had the same goal, married at 25, kids within that, big career job, house owner, business owner, all the works. But as I got older, that seemed so far fetch and so unrealistic. I then realized that I was basing all of this, not on what I wanted or where I was in my life, but what society is telling me I want. In this, I started to see, especially looking at all my past blog post, that I wasn’t being my true self. The lingo I would write in, wasn’t one that I lived in. It was one that I created thinking it would please others, but it never pleased me. I wasn’t listening and understanding my wants and needs. I was asking the world for things I wasn’t ready for yet, and I would be pissed and throw a fit when I wouldn’t get my way. I had to ask myself, if this was to happen, what would you do with it? Would that be the answer for all your problems or a temporary fix? Is this going to be something that I can look at 5 years from now and be happy with the choices that I’ve made. Do I really want this, or do I want it because X, Y, and Z has it. Crazy to say, I never considered myself in most parts of my life.

 Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.

- Anne Sweeney

Going into my 27th year, I am learning to stop altering what I need for myself in order to please others. I’m learning that I need to give myself time and patience to heal before I can move on, even if it’s not as quick of a process as I would love for it to be. I am learning that no one owes me anything and the world doesn’t either. That I am not entitled to anything that I haven’t worked for. I am reconnecting with my solitude and putting myself in places that I am not forced into, including friendships, relationships, jobs, etc. I am counting my blessings and watching things I’ve wished for manifest. I am learning to put boundaries around what is presented to me. Deciding to not give attention to the heavy topics that I am mentally not prepared to have. I am learning to look at a future that involves only me. Where in the past, I have always geared it around those temporarily in my life, that caused me to struggle with a new beginning when things didn’t work out. I am learning to have fun again. To breathe in the air and smell the roses. I have a clear vision of what I want. And now more than ever I am determined to posses the future I deserve and have been building on. This year I am learning who Andrianna is, and if I say so myself, she is an amazing fucking woman!

The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.

- Ayn Rand