Giving Thanks
Recently, I re-discovered an old blog I created on word press, which I titled No, I won’t Shut Up. I remembered this blog as I was thinking of what I wanted to write about for my Thanksgiving post. To my surprise, I came along what I posted in 2015.
With all the things that’s been going on globally, I pray everyone had a holiday surrounded by love. These past few years I had reached my lowest point, and I look back at it now, not be ashamed or sad about it, but be thankful for those experiences. The lessons I’ve gotten from each has made me into a woman I am very proud of. I, am very proud of myself! I over came what I thought was impossible to get through, I started doing what made me happy, I stopped putting myself in situations (relationships/friendships) that made me feel used and the ones that treated me badly. I take no bullshit when it comes to happiness. I now understand my value! I have a vision of how I want my life to be and a plan set in motion to fulfill it and I’m more motivated than ever to get there. I love the woman that I am growing to be. And that’s all I really need. A reminder of who I am. That’s what those bad breakups, loosing friends, tearful nights, and late calls to my momma, were all about. And I’m thankful for that. I’m thankful for the setbacks I’ve faced, because I can be thankful for what I have now. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
During that time I was struggling with my voice; knowing when to speak and when to let things go, finding myself and figuring out who I want to be. Now that I think about it, this post was the year mark for the start of my self-love journey. Although, some of what I said about putting an end to my unhappiness, didn’t hold as the future years came. I still had setbacks, tearful nights, and times where I felt like I wasn’t going to make it out. But all of what I said about the pride I instilled in myself was true and still is. So, I tried to use the past as motivation for me to keep going. A few of my mantras are:
If you made it through your past obstacles, what makes you think you can’t now?
Let past triumphs be motivation for today.
Let your past success be proof that you can make it through.
Looking at and remembering everything I have been through, every battle that has broken and worn me out, I am proud to say in the end I won the war. I always came out on top and beat what ever it was that I was fighting against. There was so much that I learned about myself and life over the past few years. But I think the biggest thing I learned, especially looking at those spots in my life when I was struggling, was how to lean on others and knowing it’s okay to need and ask for help.
This Thanksgiving, I am taking a step away from giving thanks to myself, and giving it to those who has been by my corner every step of the way. To the family and friends who has witnessed my growth or witnessed me at my lowest. Whether they are still in my life or we barely speak, I want to thank them for everything, both big and small. But most importantly, I want to thank them for loving me through my pain. I understand that it can be frustrating and hard to deal with those who seem to have chaos follow them around. I now recognize the strength a person holds to never give up on someone they love and the burden it can hold. I am grateful for those who never gave up on me.
I recently had family visit me in my new home, and as our weekend ended, my step dad went on my little white board and wrote,
I am a proud step dad.
and in that moment I felt my world become a little more complete. I felt closer to my goals, closer to the image of my future, closer to who I a meant to be. And I couldn’t have done that without the help of everyone in my life. So, during this Thanksgiving holiday when you sit down and reflect on what you are grateful for, don’t forget to give thanks to the faces you’re surrounded by. Enjoy the time around your loved ones everyone!
