Open Letter to Me in 2020 | Past, Present, and Future Self
With the new decade ringing in, I wanted to do a self reflection of the past ten years. I knew I wanted to do something special besides just listing all that I’ve accomplished, I wanted to tie it in to the years to come, a little hope for the future. I thought what better way to do that than in an open letter to myself. For those who don’t know, an open letter, which can be addressed to anyone, is a letter that is sent or not sent to the intended audience disclosing something of importance, something needing to be said. I’ve seen this be used in therapy when addressing family members who have complicated relationships and done in attempt to create or find self love. I’ve done it myself, as a reminder letter for times when I am down, or even addressing emotions that I can’t address in real time. So I sat down to write a passage of hopes and goals that I wished to accomplish in the new year and ended up writing to my past, present, and future self. This became something I worked hours and days on, really thinking of what has been going on with me in the past decade. I found this exercise to be very refreshing, like I’ve shed so much that needed to be released and I’ve truly gone into this year with such a free attitude and heart. I can honestly say this is the best I’ve felt in a very long time. So I am going to encourage all of you to do the same. Most of this post is going to consist of my own letter, which I’ve cut out parts that are sensitive and personal for me, but kept what I don’t mind sharing. Need to keep some things to myself. Here is a list of what I was thinking of as I was writing my letter. Hopefully it can be a helpful guide for you in writing your own and you get some clarity on life as I have. I have a really good feeling about this year, and I hope you all do too.
Happy 2020 Everyone!
Goals?
What do you want to remind yourself throughout the year?
What do you want this year to do for you?
What are you hoping for?
What do you want to change?
Who you were, who you are today, who you want to be
Andrianna,
Looking at the past year alone, you have come up from moments that was designed to destroy you. You took what you had and made something out of it and came to accomplish so much that seemed unattainable. Looking at the goals that you set for yourself alone: you didn’t get your drivers license, but you overcame the fear that was holding you back in the first place. You asked for a new career, and although you didn’t get that, you received a promotion. And later on, had an interview for a directing position. Although you didn’t receive it, you didn’t let it defeat you. You became proud just in the fact you know you posses the qualities to be considered and that was all that was needed, the knowing that you can. You wished to move out the state, but you were blessed with your own home, and it’s more than perfect than the slumdog apartment you could've been in, rushing to go to a new city you didn’t prepare for. You enrolled back in school!!! And that just may be the biggest flex you can hold for this year. The fact that after all that tried to discourage you from going back, you didn’t give up. And now you are killing each semester with a 4.0 GPA and looking to get your degree in less than a year. You’ve been taking chances on yourself, like starting your own candle line and reaching out to women through your blog. I know this is me, talking about myself, but man I cannot hide my pride.
You are someone so admiring and determined. Whatever you go through, you pull yourself through. You never give up on others, and I know that sometimes it can be the cause of your unhappiness, you still don’t let it change you. You go after love and friendships like you have nothing to lose, because in the end, you did lose it all, but you learned that you will always have the strength to get it back. You are funny. Always keeping others in good spirits, no matter how you may feel at the moment. And that is something you should stay admirable about. You have a true heart of gold. You always give when you can’t give to yourself, and continue to help those in need, even if they’ve wronged you. You are gorgeous, and don’t be shy to think it’s measured beyond words. Your skin is magnificently smooth and soft. Although you had to suffer with eczema, you’ve turned that into a moment of proof that one can be cracked open from a mold of insecurities and come out to be the beauty that was worth the frustration of what eczema had caused. Your eyes are big and brown, not bug eyed, like you thought. Hair as admirable and so so so wild. God I love how wild it is, possessing it’s own personality. You embody all of this on the outside and still find a way to be just as beautiful on the inside. And this all just humbles you. You don’t carry yourself with arrogance, but with confidence and grace, and you pride yourself on staying you no matter what.
The past ten years involved so much. It was your molding time, a stage to see where life would take you. It was the time to understand just who you are and learn your pros and cons when it comes to every aspect that comes along with life. You have been put through trials but you did not let them ruin you. You did not let it destroy you. Instead you wear your scars in the open so people could see that you are human, that they are human, and it’s nothing wrong with that. So I want to say thank you. Thank you for the past 10 years. Thank you for never giving up on us. Thank you for going through all that you did to have me sitting here today. And thank you for continuing to find ways to love me, and us. Your strength is something that could not have been magically created, but built through real situations and real struggles. Yes, the shit was really for the birds, but I am happy to be here today in the form that I am, which is nothing short of phenomenal.
For this new year, I’m wishing upon you is time to heal in solitude. I want you to change your narrative of love. To look at it as the same you always have, but adjust what love looks like to you instead of what it needs to look like for others. I want you to separate love and heartbreak, because who hurt you wasn’t love. I want you to be able to clean yourself from the mud others have drugged you through. I want you to be able to solely focus on you and your needs, to nurture yourself and your heart. To be able to love freely, to undoubtedly love yourself. To not enclose love with boundaries but use it in a way that doesn’t scare you, that doesn’t make you question if it’s really worth it.
I pray you find more adventure. Spend time outside and away from work. Become more spontaneous and less worrisome. Take trips to places you never knew existed, visit new shops, eat unfamiliar food, explore territories that’s been missing your eye. I hope you create new friendships, both meaningful and fun, and also challenging. That pushes you to open up and out of your shell. Friendships that inspire you and make you want to be better. I hope you create relationships with people that are understanding and supportive of your life choices. Who will not drown you but become a puzzle in life that fits into your happiness.
I hope you remember to always smile. To take it easy on yourself and don’t push what doesn’t feel right. I want you to stop apologizing for choosing yourself. For saying “No” to the people you love and care for. I want you to forgive yourself for bad decisions. For allowing yourself to go through circling emotional pain. For choosing others in moments where you needed to choose yourself. Most importantly, I want you to give yourself time. Whatever comes up in the future or you’re struggling with now, don’t stress it. Know everything will work out all on it’s own, so continue to build on the faith of you.
For the next decade, I pray you are surrounded by all that has meaning to you. That when this letter is presented, it is met with a version of me that is healthy and is in love with herself with no blockage from others. I hope this letter meets a woman of peace, who is comfortable and secure in who she is, a woman who is building on her family and dreams. A mentor for young women who found themselves in situations similar to her own. I hope this is read by the same woman who sits here today. The same girl from the past. I never want you change. Never want you to believe that you need too, not even to prove that you are enough. You alone have always been the one thing she, me, and you needed. And I pray we never forget that.
