You Can Be Happy While Being Alone | So Stop Feeling Lonely

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It was towards the end of 2014 and the guy I was seriously dating dropped me.  I felt lost.  This was someone who I not only was romantically interested in but a long time friend, so there was a bunch of new territory we were stepping into.  Not knowing what would happen if we were not to work out, I found myself alone.  We went from talking everyday to not even following each other on social media.  We were already in separate states, so it wasn’t like I was physically missing him in my life.  I was just missing that companionship.

Rewind to my relationship before that, I constantly felt lonely.  My boyfriend at the time was absent in every way possible.  I was pretty much dating myself.  Swearing that I would never end up in another relationship like that, I looked for someone who always wanted to be around.  But in the end, it messed me up because I depended on that person to always be there.  So when he dipped, I felt a complete disconnect.

So there I was, not only feeling lonely, but feeling lonely and alone.  I was stuck in my solitude with my own thoughts, and for some reason that scared me.  

I can’t remember a time before then where I was really by myself.  Growing up in a family of ten siblings, alone time sounded like a myth.  I didn’t know what to do with myself.  So, I started painting.

Art was always something I enjoyed, in pretty much every form.  I thought if I took up a new hobby I could throw myself into it anytime I felt the ‘L’ word creeping up on me.  And it worked, for a while.  It kept me occupied when I was home by myself.  But that was until the guy came back and left again up out of my life.  And I was back at square one.  

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I didn’t like the fact that my loneliness came from the absence or presence of others.  I hated that my emotions were so controlled by those near me.  I wanted to get to a place in my life where if someone said “I don’t want to be around you,” I would be okay and it wouldn’t take away from myself.

Moving into my first apartment with no roommates, I decided to really take control of my loneliness.  And I mean really take control of it.  I was going to have all this time by myself and turning 23, it was about time that I did.  I started to voluntarily do things on my own.  Crazy things like going to the movies, alone.  Going to lunch, alone.  Shopping, alone.  Or grabbing a drink, alone.  

It’s so funny looking back at it now, after having years on my belt of doing things by myself, the idea was just so crazy.  I remember the reactions I got from my friends when I told them I had the balls to hit up 54th street with no one but myself.  It was such a wild idea and now you see so many women enjoying this.

 
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Today I find myself explaining the difference between being alone and feeling lonely.  Feeling lonely for me was always about being in a room full of people and feeling invisible.  It was a feeling that harbored inside of me because I wasn’t yet comfortable with the idea of being happy in my own company.  I felt depressed, isolated, and abandoned.  But being alone became this liberating feeling that I experienced in my solitude.  It became a time for me to get to know myself, to understand my wants and needs, and to shape the woman that I am now proud that I became.

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So I say this, don’t be afraid to be alone.  For some reason, it’s put out there that it is a scary thing, especially when presented to women.  But I believe that it is an experience we should all have, that we should all look forward too.  We came into this world by ourselves anyway.  And yes we had the help of our beautiful mothers, and some may have come out with a twin or triplet.  But when you came into this world, for a split second it was just you.  

If you are ever feeling lonely, know that there is a wonderful person inside of you who will never leave your side.  I can honestly say my time alone has been such a growing experience. I got to know so much about myself that I don’t think I could’ve learned around others. Look to your alone time with excitement. Build a relationship with yourself that can withstand any outside sources that tampers with your authentic self.  And hold on to that.  That is the most important and special bond you can ever make.

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Take Away

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  • Being alone is solitude; feeling lonely is feeling invisible

  • Depending on others to always be around is not a guarantee

  • Being stuck with your thoughts is not a scary thing

  • Finding hobbies and fun activities to do can make your alone time more exciting

  • Don’t let your loneliness and mood change be a result from who’s around and who isn’t

  • Being alone can have great benefits! increased productivity, growth, time to re-charge and reflect, mental strength, spark in creativity, space away from social butterfly, become in sync with emotions, feel more independent, and you’ll stop looking for others to fix your loneliness