Finding the Balance Between Your BF and Your BFF
I’m sure, if you’re a female, you have been on either or both sides of the spectrum when it comes to dealing with your two BF’s in your life, boyfriends and best friends. You are either the friend who feels like they have just lost their best friend or the girl friend who feels criticized for making their relationship the number one thing. It’s time to admit, as women, we have played both parts and look down upon those who are on the opposite side. I have been in situations where one minute my friend is single and blowing my phone up and the next she’s in a relationship and months go by before we finally hang out. And I have been in relationships where my friends felt as if I didn’t care for them and I was wrapped up in my own world. Sadly, it can sometimes affect the relationship you have with both your boyfriend and best friend and ruin it all. It’s time we become cautious of what we are doing and how we are acting when we decide to get in a relationship and making sure we find the right balance not only for everyone, but for ourselves as well, as this can be something that can become very stressful to handle.
Communication
Starting up a conversation about how your boyfriend and your friend feels is very important. You want to let them both know that you care and are listening to their feelings and that you do not want them to feel left out. Be clear to your friends that you may not be as available as you used to, but that it wouldn’t change the importance of your friendship. Be clear to your man that you had friends before him and you will have to take some days to be with them. This seems to be the main thing that most relationships/friendships miss on when the dynamics start to change. When it comes time for them to meet, be careful of what you say about each of them to the other. You don’t want to hype up your friends to make them more protective then they already are. And you don’t want to drill into your mans head that he’s going to be drilled. Keep everything light and fun and let them connect on their own. If they end up not liking each other, it is not the end of the World. Yeah it may suck that having double dates may be a hard thing to change. But if they both are going to be in your life for a while, they would get used to each other and form their own bond.
Time
Spending the right amount of time with both parties can get a little tricky. But with the help of communicating, this can become a lot easier.
equal time with bf/bff
Split your time equally. If you are with your boo four times out the week, spend the other three with friends and family. It may sound like a job, but it a system that can help make your life easier. That way, you are making sure that you are not neglecting anyone you care about.
spend time apart
You do not have to spend every waking moment with your man. Some time apart is a good thing. Most couples become so dependent on the other, they forget about their lives outside of their little bubble. This is the main time friends start to feel neglected, and you don’t want to do that. Plan days where you and your man go hang out with your friends, separately! Let him have a boys night, while you have a girls night. Go visit your family, or do something alone. Just make sure you come up for some air away from your loving relationship.
dedicate days and stick to it
Don’t be a send off! When you say you’re going to do something, do it. And when you say you’re going to hang out with someone, stick to it. Make certain days out the week a day where you make time for your friends and family. A relationship can consume most of your life, and it can become hard to get away from it. Especially if it is one that makes you extremely happy. If you decide to make plans with a friend, and your boo calls you the day of with something to do, no matter how exciting it may sound, turn it down. You made plans with your friends first, so both you and your partner have to come to an understanding of that. Don’t let your man get in the way of your plans. But it’s also vice versa with your friends. If you planned a date night and your friends call saying “Girls drink free ‘til 11pm, we’re getting you at 9,” let them know you will have to catch up with them another time. Most cases, their response will be understanding. If it’s not and they respond with “You spend too much time with your man, girl get a life,” then you politely respond to them that you had already made plans with your boo and you’re not canceling. And don’t feel bad about it. Don’t let comments like that, from either side, make you feel guilty about what you’re doing. If you’re making an effort, it will be seen. There is only one of you, so don’t stress it.
Creating a bond
Don’t force it, let it flow
We all dream of a perfect World where our best friend and boyfriend both are able to get a long with each other. In reality, sometimes it’s just a dream. Guys automatically are cringing at the thought of meeting their woman’s friends because women are automatically ready to attack. Your friends want to make sure that the guy you are dating has your best interest. They have watched you go through ups and downs in relationships, that they are just trying to weed out the good ones from the weasels. Your man wants to give out a good impression to get the okay from your girls, but only will he go so far to please your friends when his only job is to please you.
group outings
When the occasion calls for it, get all of your friends together, including your man friends. It’s easier to break the ice in a big group setting instead of making either your friend or partner uncomfortable in a more intimate one where they really don’t know anyone. Don’t make anyone feel singled out. Putting everyone in a familiar group setting is sure to help break down boundaries and it eases the tension off of you to keep your two BF’s entertained as there are others there to help.
Doing your part
Everything will not stay the same
You are no longer single, which means you are no longer looking to your friends to do single things. The dynamics have shifted, and now the number one person you call for help, advice, or just because you are bored is now your man. You will not dedicate the same out of time to your friends as you used too, and that is okay. Just as long as you make that understanding and keep the communication between your friends and your man solid, everything changing will not be a problem. And don’t forget about you! Your friends and partner have to understand that you are trying and you can’t do everything the way the want. In making a perfect balance for them, keep the same energy and creating one for yourself. Don’t let any of it stress you. If these are two people who love you, everything will always be cool in the end.