Not Everyone Will Love You | A Lesson Brought Back From the Past

Before there was the Glow Chapter, there was just me and my many thoughts on WordPress. Looking back at all the post I was writing back then, it was great to see the growth that I have made. Here is one I written towards the end of 2015, when I was taught the hard lesson that not everyone will love you.

After my darkest (365) days, I was finally able to pull myself from drowning in sadness. I was ready for a new beginning, at least I thought I was. Wasn’t nothing but a couple of months in, and I thought I was “fixed”. Giving in to an image that someone else wanted, I thought I was doing right. Even when my gut told me no, the voice of they and people was stuck in my head. You know the, “They, be saying this” or “People, be saying that.” Molding my self to those words, I believed I was happy.

Diving into things I wasn’t ready for. Living in fear that if people knew the real me, they will not like me. I did everything not to fuck it up, new relationships and friendships, only to have them all blow up in my face. I was taking the extra mile for people who, no matter what I did to kill their doubts on me, they still saw me as something I wasn’t. Exhausting myself to have my efforts not effective. Realizing, no matter what I did, how hard I try to fit into the lines, the laws, the expectations of others, it still will not satisfy them. And I learned, that’s okay.

Not everyone is meant to be in your life. She doesn’t have to appreciate my friendship, he doesn’t have to love me, they didn’t have to accept my voice, people don’t have to accept me at all. The only one who ever did was me. And once that was realized, I’ve only done things that made me feel good. Not letting my mood be controlled by others. I can look back at this year and think about all that has gone wrong. Yet somehow, the lesson that it all taught me outweighed every setback, panic attack, argument, failure, and break up.

I look at 2015 as the year I fell in love with myself. I’ve learned to be patient, to give myself time to accept change. I distant myself from everything that didn’t feel good to me. Found new love in art and exploring my own mind. Understanding myself, and the reason why I do certain things. Learning to accept what cannot be unchanged about me. Changing only what I disliked about myself and not what others disliked of me. I laughed harder and meant it, allowing myself to enjoy a moment and let time pass. Stopped stressing perfection on every detail, while finding out new things about myself everyday. And it led me to find the only form of love that I need at a time when I’m trying to figure out my own life. Realizing the only way to get over my own heartache was to fall in love with life all over again.